Oily Rubs
Today, I was subjected to extreme heat, a working over on my neck and having my feet dunked in paraffin. It sounds like a rather unique torture method doesn’t it?
My lovely in-laws, being the charming and thoughtful creatures that they are, decided as a Christmas present to give me a gift certificate for a slew of pampered delights at an establishment in Morrisburg. Now one may sniff at the use of the word ‘Morrisburg’ but it does actually house the odd business worth mentioning….I think there’s a nifty law office in town if I remember correctly….
At any rate, said in-laws also offered to take the wee sprogs whilst the pampering took place so that I could really enjoy the experience. It’s hard to match the words ‘pampering’ and ‘twins’ together you see. Well, being the opportunist that I am I of course said yes! Just like that. Yes!
Trying to get a date organised was another matter. Both the fair and lovely Eleanor and I are working gals and both of us also have a bit of a life outside of work. Nevertheless we penciled in a date and lo and behold if the day didn’t creep up on me. Undaunted by the fact that we were supposed to be battling the elements - ice rain be damned! - I drove off with the twins and half of their belongings, they contentedly burbling away in the back seat.
Once at my fair in-laws, I unloaded the car in 3 trips and was so worn out I had to sit down for a spell. Well, not really. I did unload the car in 3 trips but then hung around just to make sure that everyone settled in nicely. C’mon! I’m not that out of shape! I was then off to Morrisburg with Santogold (thanks Eric!) screaming in my ears.
Well, what can I say? I was greeted warmly when I got there and made to feel relaxed as soon as I kicked off my shoes. At this point I thought to myself “hey ho! I think I might move in!”. I answered a few questions so as to relieve them of any misconception that I might pop off during one of the treatments and was lead to the sauna room.
Now, the last time I had a sauna experience, it was with drink in hand, steam in eyes and an ungodly amount of sweat dripping off me. It was not pretty and as I was dehydrating myself instead of hydrating myself, probably not the smartest adventure. Sauna’s have changed a bit and this one was an infrared type. No steam but still the heat and a bucket load of sweat. I sat in my cubicle with soothing tunes in my ears and picked orange lights to beam down on me. Depending upon what you want to deal with - hormone problems? sleep disorders? headaches? - you could pick a light colour to help. Orange is a lively colour and dammit, I just wanted to feel lively and cheery at the end of it all. After half an hour I was hot, sweaty, relaxed and yet feeling high-spirited. (I have since decided that I want to own one of these once I win the lottery.) I was told to have a shower and to slip into the provided bathrobe and then off to Door #2.
To be honest, I have had a couple of massages before; both since the twins have arrived oddly enough. Both have been fine and by that I mean that it felt nice at the time but beyond that there was no life-altering experience to be had. This time however, it was different. I don’t know what the hell she did, but I got up off of the table at the end, a changed woman. My neck felt amazing. My shoulder felt amazing. I wondered where the 45 minutes had gone to. I am still - as I write this - feeling amazingly un-stiff…de-stiffed? Sans le stiff? Whatever she did, the woman is a marvel! (I have since decided that I want to own one of these once I win the lottery.) She told me to get up at my leisure (I wish I heard THAT more often at home!) and to head to the next room.
Behind Door #3 lay a container of hot paraffin and a woman offering me champagne and chocolates. Holy fall-in-love Batman…..did somebody say CHOCOLATES? What ho! I had my feet wrapped in hot paraffin paraphernalia and my hands full of drink and chocolate and I think that she could tell I was really feeling very cheerful by this point because I’m pretty sure that I was welling up with tears of joy.
I was by this point understandably smitten with what had just happened and extremely thankful that I look like someone who needs a relaxing, pampering experience. After pulling myself together, I bade farewell to the ladies and headed back to retrieve the twins, feeling very content. My lovely in-laws made a fine choice of a gift; extremely thoughtful and totally terrific. I think they might have got the idea that this was the case when I couldn’t stop enthusing about it. No, I don’t get out too often, it’s true!
Now I am going off to bed one cheery, relaxed, soft-footed and happy woman
